I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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