the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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