Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Text me some of your sweat
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