a search helicopter?!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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