so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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