It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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