just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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