My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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