so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
