never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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