1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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