i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
