got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
