its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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