We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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