my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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