I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
