Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
