i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
