You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
