i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
