Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
