found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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