I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
