the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
