i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize