I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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