you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
