i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
