If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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