I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
