I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
