God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
