im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
