since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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