Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...so i touched it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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