You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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