She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
