I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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