and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
