I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
