I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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