o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
