it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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