I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
