i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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