it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
