We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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