jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
