Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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