i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
