OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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