Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
