I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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