someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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