All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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