I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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