i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
