his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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