WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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