dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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