How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
