bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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