just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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