Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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