Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
