You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
